The new chapter begins...
So it's settled, I'm definitely off to Kellogg. While unceremonious checking of the Stanford website, I discovered the lovely ding letter - it was really really long. I fast forwarded through the whole thing and went on my merry way.
Of course, I am a bit bummed to not have the luxury of making a decision between two great schools. While I had been previously hovering around 95% Kellogg, even if I had the chance to select Stanford, it still would have been nice to know that it was my decision to make. Of course, another way to look at it is that I was saved from an excrutiating decision that would have made me close the door on something great one way or the other.
But y'know what's perhaps more telling? It's that I am bummed at not getting in not so much for myself but because it would have meant a lot to my parents. Getting into Stanford - much like Harvard - is the Holy Grail of every Asian parent's bragging rights. Somehow, if one's kid gets accepted, the arduous cross-Pacific journey to provide a brand new life for one's family becomes suddenly validated. Of course, I could be completely blowing this out of proportion and that, in reality, my parents are happy with how I turned out anyway.
If there's one thing about me, though, it's that I rarely feel satisfied with whatever I accomplish. Back in school (pre-college of course, back when I actually had a work ethic), I would beat myself over anything less than an A. Then, if I actually received an A - I'd bemoan any minor problems I missed. And if I had nothing to complain about, I'd just quickly stuff the test in my backpack and never look back. I wouldn't celebrate. I wouldn't feel that much happier. I'd just feel like it was status quo -- that that's the way it should be.
Just what exactly are these crazy standards I've ingrained in myself? Will I grow up to be the Asian parent who just asks for the A+ if my kid comes home with the A? Will I view critical feedback as simply a thoughtful example of "wanting what's best" for him or her? Am I ... unsatisfiable?
But still, I ponder this knowing that, in my heart of hearts, I am ecstatic about the experiences await. I am thrilled that I don't have to reapply - and that I will be attending a school that is a great fit for me. I think, more than anything, I am what you call, a "safe" complainer. Typically, I would have my truest needs met. Then, I will seize upon a periphery issue to analyze, muse, and complain about. While I am actually satisfied deep down, I frolic in critiquing my actions.
It is odd indeed. Maybe I am a well-to-do malcontent with nothing truly to yap about. Perhaps I like feeling like an underdog - even if it's not the case. Whatever the reason, I should really quit this little hobby of mine.
Why quit this fun game of complain-o-rama? Well, I think people may start getting the impression that I actually don't appreciate the people and events in my life that I, in fact, definitely do appreciate. Also, maybe taking a more outwardly optimistic approach will free of some of the self imposed shackles I slap on so frequently.
Of course, maybe this is simply a case of tough love. By being extra harsh on myself, whatever end result will be something I am happy with. It's like high-balling myself. Hmm.
Coincidentally, my Dr. Phil book is talking about this very issue. Being myself and not holding myself to anyone else's standards. That, apparently, is the secret to a fulfilled life. While easier said than done, I think I'll give this novel approach a shot.
Of course, I am a bit bummed to not have the luxury of making a decision between two great schools. While I had been previously hovering around 95% Kellogg, even if I had the chance to select Stanford, it still would have been nice to know that it was my decision to make. Of course, another way to look at it is that I was saved from an excrutiating decision that would have made me close the door on something great one way or the other.
But y'know what's perhaps more telling? It's that I am bummed at not getting in not so much for myself but because it would have meant a lot to my parents. Getting into Stanford - much like Harvard - is the Holy Grail of every Asian parent's bragging rights. Somehow, if one's kid gets accepted, the arduous cross-Pacific journey to provide a brand new life for one's family becomes suddenly validated. Of course, I could be completely blowing this out of proportion and that, in reality, my parents are happy with how I turned out anyway.
If there's one thing about me, though, it's that I rarely feel satisfied with whatever I accomplish. Back in school (pre-college of course, back when I actually had a work ethic), I would beat myself over anything less than an A. Then, if I actually received an A - I'd bemoan any minor problems I missed. And if I had nothing to complain about, I'd just quickly stuff the test in my backpack and never look back. I wouldn't celebrate. I wouldn't feel that much happier. I'd just feel like it was status quo -- that that's the way it should be.
Just what exactly are these crazy standards I've ingrained in myself? Will I grow up to be the Asian parent who just asks for the A+ if my kid comes home with the A? Will I view critical feedback as simply a thoughtful example of "wanting what's best" for him or her? Am I ... unsatisfiable?
But still, I ponder this knowing that, in my heart of hearts, I am ecstatic about the experiences await. I am thrilled that I don't have to reapply - and that I will be attending a school that is a great fit for me. I think, more than anything, I am what you call, a "safe" complainer. Typically, I would have my truest needs met. Then, I will seize upon a periphery issue to analyze, muse, and complain about. While I am actually satisfied deep down, I frolic in critiquing my actions.
It is odd indeed. Maybe I am a well-to-do malcontent with nothing truly to yap about. Perhaps I like feeling like an underdog - even if it's not the case. Whatever the reason, I should really quit this little hobby of mine.
Why quit this fun game of complain-o-rama? Well, I think people may start getting the impression that I actually don't appreciate the people and events in my life that I, in fact, definitely do appreciate. Also, maybe taking a more outwardly optimistic approach will free of some of the self imposed shackles I slap on so frequently.
Of course, maybe this is simply a case of tough love. By being extra harsh on myself, whatever end result will be something I am happy with. It's like high-balling myself. Hmm.
Coincidentally, my Dr. Phil book is talking about this very issue. Being myself and not holding myself to anyone else's standards. That, apparently, is the secret to a fulfilled life. While easier said than done, I think I'll give this novel approach a shot.
posted by dodger | 12:52 AM
2 Comments:
That was how you got the Chancellor's scholarship, Millhouse. Congrats.
i am both sad and thrilled for you dodgeball. there must be something you feel satisfied with? :P
Post a Comment
<< Home